J-Decker: Part 4Ever!

PREVIOUS COMMENTARIES
Initial Impressions/First Three Episodes
Episodes 4 - 10
Episodes 11-17


Episode 18: Panda Warning?!



…Panda.

The entire episode is them literally fighting a Giant Panda. The episode makes no attempt to hide how super cuddly, woobie, uber-adorable the thing is. It even makes babyish noises for that extra dose of cute. This is another McCrane episode and seeing he's Mr. Stoic and the Panda Bear is so pwecious, he uses non-violent means and calms the panda down. This is after Seia basically tells him to drop the fucking gun and use your emotions. Episode Five established McCrane as a pacifist. At one point in the episode, he wanted to basically kill the fucking thing. This show can't get its facts straight. Alright, to its credit, it's less about violence and more about McCrane being emotionally available.

But Panda. PANDA.

And this.



Goddamn it, Japan, what is this? Stereotyping is not cool. It's not cool, man.  

Episode 19/20: "Biker Cop on the Loose" and "Hourglass Goes Awry"
New robot introduction time! Chasing a monstrous garbage truck, Yuuta and Deckard come face-to-face with the newest Brave Police, Gunmax. If this series had been dubbed for kids during the mid-to-late 90s (most likely by the Bastion of the Devil's work himself; 4kids), I bet it'd be heavily censored. His name probably would be "Lasermax" or something. Anydoodle, Gunmax was created for the Highway Patrol division. He rides a motorcycle, doesn't play well with others, and remains aloof and selfish.

…

Oh, my GOD, he's Animated Prowl.

He also has a penchant for spouting Engrish. Unfortunately, most of them really aren't that balls weird or random. Well, except when he declares his love for Deckerd.



Any who, they're in pursuit of the Monster Garbage Trucks AKA The Double Bots and they believe the main culprit is a Jamaican man named...



...Bob Marey.

Oh, this is just embarrassing, Japan.

When they capture Bob, he reveals he's not the true mastermind. They realize all the Double Bots are garbage trucks, so they locate the culprit inside a trash processing plant. Gunmax goes off alone, but Yuuta eventually finds him, criticizes him, and tags along. This sucks for the other robots because he's the one with the badge that can combine them. ...That's...That's a bit of a design flaw, isn't it? The entire police force only lets the ten-year-old in charge of the robots the only one with the device to combine the Brave Police force? The technician crew doesn't bother to improve upon this? No one in the goddamn police force even remotely has a backup cop (probably Saejima) on the distinct possibility that Yuuta can't do it for whatever reason? What if he's out of commission and they need J-Decker and Super Build Tiger? Nope! They can't do shit without the kid! The world is doomed because Japan's defense force didn't think this shit through.

Any who, Gunmax and Yuuta enter the trash plant, but they're quickly subdued. Gunmax is chained to a conveyor belt which slowly leads to a boiler room. The rest eventually catch up and battle a horde of garbage bots inside.



Hey, it's WALL.E's rejected buddies.

Yuuta tries to save Gunmax. All of this is happening in a roulette circle; turning on and off one part of the machineries at a time. It's confusing without actually seeing it for yourself, but it's ridiculous and I have no idea why it was added outside of giving Gunmax time. And even if that wasn't the case, he never even stops to think to ROLL out of the fucking conveyor belt. Yuuta manages to help him and while all this is happening, the light rapidly blinks to the timing of the equally rapidly roulette system. This is before that whole Pokemon seizure thing, so happy TV watching, kids! Any who, Gunmax is shocked this boy went the length to save him and he starts to get the whole teamwork deal. The crew eventually confront the main computer and turn him off. Turns out it was corrupted because of molds. ...Nobody bother to check up every once in a while? It's a trash processing plant; sanitation committee really could not send one bloody technician to check the master computer for molds? This is how the Machines will rule humanity, guys! Get on this shit! This city is run by Doc Greenes. Oh, and Gunmax is now in the Brave Police crew, yaaay.

There's also one scene in episode 19 that I think they missed an opportunity to milk. It amounted to Gunmax and McCrane having a form of respect for each other after a brief chat. I hoped they would elaborate on this, but 34 episodes in and so far, nothing.

Gunmax also says this. For reals. In Engrish.









Episode 21: "Handcuffed Fugitives"
Okay, I lied. Episodes 10 and 11 aren't the slashiest episodes. THIS is.

Even though he joined the crew, Gunmax still doesn't play well. He gets into a tiff with his teammates for two reasons; his loner attitude and speed cameras allegedly capturing him illegally driving with a gang. Gunmax doesn't even attempt to defend himself and just waltzes off. Deckerd catches up to him and tries to set him straight. By which I mean he tries to punch him. Twice.

Right from the start, the episode just slaps the innuendos right in front of you.





In-context, this is Gunmax's special move where he and his bike can connect to J-Decker and becomes a giant fucking cannon and he doesn't want Deckerd to pull his trigger. *stifled giggle* Any who, everyone thinks Gunmax is driving with the wrong crowd. Of course Deckerd defends him and runs off to find out the truth. Gunmax ain't saying nothing, so instead of trusting Gunmax like Deckerd screeched like a whiny bitch to the others, he proceeds to handcuff himself to Gunmax, tagging along until he finally confesses. This can be taken as a holdover from Episode 13; Deckerd honestly can't handle loneliness and to see Gunmax embrace it so easily bothers the shit out of him. So of course he's going to Pinkie Pie him into being his BEST FWIEND 4EVER.




Any who, there's a scene where Deckerd and Gunmax needs oil or they will die or something, but the only nearby ones require them to steal. Why they don't have installed credit cards or emergency money, I don't know, but Deckerd doesn't want to resort to thievery while Gunmax is all, "Come ooonnn." When an old man catches them, Deckerd plays along and they walk off, oil canisters in hand. Pfft, it's classic Bad Boy crush. Oh, but it gets better. They later bond under the moonlight. Handcufed. While drinking oil. as Gunmax confesses his dark secret on why he acts the way he does. …Oh my GOD, the slash just jumps up and practically tongues you.






Gunmax confesses he used to have a human partner back during his highway patrol days, but then he found out he was secretly a criminal. The human partner was ratted out and fired (really? He sold police vehicles and confiscated weapons; shouldn't he be in fucking jail!?) and though Gunmax wasn't the one who tattletaled, human partner wants revenge. He's the villain of the day in case you haven't figured it out. So he fakes an illusion (hologram) so that it looks like Gunmax has been hanging around the wrong crowd. Any who, Gunmax and Deckerd bonds (literally) and the former eventually becomes a cannon for him. They're probably banging somewhere off-duty from this point on.

Episode 22: "The Masked Brave, Dumpson"



…Japan, this is has gone from second hand embarrassment to full on shame.

Anywho, Dumpson is an undercover luchador with Yuuta as his Adrian. I have little to say since it doesn't really advance Dumpson's character, so let's just move on to the next episo—




Moving on...............









Any who, the plot isn't really remarkable. I'd hazard to say outside of the weird ass villain's cosplay addiction, there is nothing special to-



…

I-Is that a Gatchaman reference? Are the Brave Police crew dressed up as the fucking main characters of Gatchaman!? HOLY SHIT. Instant forgiveness! This is the greatest thing EVER. I mean, I'm not a huge fan of Gatchaman, but it's my childhood right there. It's one of the few shows where I can legitimately claim I watched it from two different countries. I had a model kit of the main jet when I was four. Okay, when I was in middle school, I was fucking obsessed with Gatchaman (called G-Force when it aired in America at the time). I don't remember much of the show nowadays, but HOLY. SHIT. YES!

Also, I am amused Shadowmaru is the chick. XD Drill Boy isn't seen in this pic, but he's the little boy.

Episode 23: "My Fairy"
The episode starts off innocuous enough. Drill Boy attempts to pull a prank by stealing Yuuta's pudding while he isn't looking and…and…oh, god, I just love the logic behind this scene. Everybody calls Drill Boy out for puddingnapping when Yuuta whines that it's missing and then they say the fucking meeting can't start until the kid has his pudding. …What? You have vital police work to do and it all stops for pudding?! Who does that?! Pudding isn't worth anything! Seriously, that shit is nasty!

Drill Boy must have had the same idea because he quits the team for being a bunch of uptight assholes, then runs into…a fairy. An artificially created fairy. Whom he gives Yuuta's pudding to. Who he names Fay. Fay. Fay the Fairy. Who's topless—visible nipples and all. I mean, it's not detailed or anything, but I am shocked even for Japan that this got shown in a kid's cartoon. Also, she has a mermaid tail for some godforsaken reason. Maybe they wanted to shoehorn mermaids because they didn't have room to make a full under the sea tale. Either way, I'm not going to show you a picture of Fay for censorship purposes. Better safe than sorry. Go look it up; it's the internet.

Any who, the two begin an unexpected friendship (it's actually adorable that Fay's only word is "Boy") until the eviiiiiiiil scientist who made her wants her back. He beats Drill Boy shitless, but Fay comes to save the day by…glowing. No, really. They made her Big Damn Hero moment so dramatic only to reveal her epic abilities is essentially substituting for a flashlight. It does blind the scientist long enough for the heroes to beat him. Unfortunately Fay was harmed in the process and dies. Drill Boy buries her and then witnesses a hallucination/Afterlife/or something where Fay is accepted by the other fairies (with normal legs, but no less naked). It's actually a poignantly emotional moment. I especially love the part where Drill Boy tearfully (not literally because robot) tells the dying Fay that he'll get her more puddings. D: D: D: D:

This is also a nice extension from Episode 14/15 when Drill Boy is introduced. He witnessed Yuuta compassionately carrying for the baby Insect King and he attempts to do the same with the fairy. He really goes out of his way to protect Fay and to still see her die really does hammer in ya.

Episode 24: "The Seven Detectives"
This is a fucking clip show. I hate fucking clip shows. Frustratingly, you need to watch it because it informs the audience about the next upcoming bot as well as another design scheme being built to combine all eight. The only benevolence I got out of this entire thing is that it focuses on Saejima and he is made of awesome. Observe.



He has a BIG ASS manor on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I don't think police commissioners get paid that much to afford this shit, but he's in charge of giant robots. The government probably gave him all the money in the world and told him, "Here, now make crazy ass robots." And he did. And it was glorious.



He has three robot servants to do his bidding. One of them is named GOD BOMBER. BADASS.  



He wears a pink nightgown and he does not give a shit. BADASS.



He has a giant conveyor belt in his house that holds blueprints of all the robots. BAD.ASS.

The narrator states he is an unmarried 45-year-old; mainly because his personality is too manchildish and it puts potential suitors off. You know what I think? He doesn't give a flying shit. Ya know why? Because he doesn't need no dame when he has everything he wants. I've theorized Saejima grew up as a giant fanboy of robots, so he's really living his dream. This man is BADASS.



Also DAAAAAMN Young Saejima was hot! _{Not that his current age isn't pretty attractive. No one could make that hair look as badass as him.}

I still hate clip shows, but the preview for the next episode is interesting. Instead of the usual bouncy, happy music (the theme song, actually), this one is somber and Yuuta doesn't narrate. Instead they show various moments between him and Deckerd. Oh, geez, something bad is going to happen, isn't it? Boy, I can't wait to sit down and find ou—



OH COME ON! YOU SPOILED IT FOR ME YOU FUCKERS!


*sigh* See you in part 5.

________________________________________________________________________________________________



Discovery (A Transformers Animated Fancomic): Read the entire thing here. More updated as the series progresses. Placed there for archival purpose.

Chess Piece (A Danny Phantom Fancomic):
An AU Danny Phantom comic. It's been canceled, but for those morbidly curious to read this convoluted train wreck, the link is here.



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